Freitag, 9. April 2010

In Soviet Union panda eats you


Was ihr schon immer über Pandas wissen wolltet, aber nie zu fragen traute..
1) Pandas ride dolphins when nobody's watching.
2) Pandas can explode at will.
3) Pandas control the jews and are generally zionist in nature.
4) Adnap is backwards panda.
5) 1 out of every 9 pandas birth exclusively horses. Scientists refuse to admit this because of The Great Horse Conspiracy.
6) Pandas age backward, like Benjamin Button and Jack from the movie Jack.
7) Pandas have no sexual organs, and reproduce by high-fiving each other.
8) The Panda is the mascot for the WWF, also known as the World Wrestling Federation.
9) Pandas have black fur around their eyes so that they can sleep while they're pretending to listen to you.
10) There are mole people pandas which are half mole people half panda. They live at the center of the earth, control earthquakes, and decide which reruns of jerry springer will be shown.
11) When pandas get struck by lightning their black fur goes white and their white fur goes black and are known as negative pandas, and if they are struck again they turn back and are known as double
negative pandas or just pandas.
12) A wild panda once wandered onto the set of american idol and ended up making it to the semi-finals.
13) A panda's diet consists of 92% bamboo and 17% made up numbers.
14) Pandas are known party crashers. Their tuxedo camouflage allows them to sneak into weddings and high class parties undetected.
15) Panda sneezes are the main cause of hurricanes.
16) 1 out of 3.5 times a panda will birth a dummy panda, whose blood is made of poison. This is to terrify potential predators.
17) Under panda law, it is illegal to possess bamboo and not be chilled out. If you're eating bamboo and are not chill, the pandas will realize you're not one of them and will severely mock you for your physical appearance.
18) Pandas often relieve their stress by strangling small horses and/or ponies. Scientists refuse to admit this because of The Great Horse Conspiracy.
19) Sea Pandas were the real reason that the Titanic sank. Because of this they no longer make cruise ships out of bamboo.
20) Pandas enjoy seeking out the company of certified noblemen and professional gentle sirs.
21) Sandpanda banana stand, hand bandana anangramman pandaland.
22) Though they share a similar color pattern it should be noted that penguins and pandas are two separate animals. Interbreeding the two is still allowed and encouraged in memory of Sir Michael J Fox's short lived experiment.
23) Panda cannons are a popular form of novel entertainment for noble visitors of the lush foresty jungles of Afganistan.
24) Pandas wrote the original farmer's almanac. God had to move things around to fit with the new itinerary.
25) In Soviet Union panda eats you. In Russia, panda bamboo flu Peru too loo?
26) Panda cubs can join together and form into a regular sized panda.
27) Pandas are phenomenal sopranos--however they must be careful to avoid Norwegian Opera, as their voices in that genre can break glass... and melt polar ice caps.
28) Pandas are allergic to grenades.
29) Wild pandas are responsible for 78.6333% of all clown related deaths worldwide.
30) Despite popular belief, horseypandas are neither horse nor panda; they are actually bobcat. Scientists refuse to admit this because of The 2010 Horse-Bobcat Agreement.
Offensichtlich ist der Panda das coolste Tier der Welt und dies ist die geilste Facebook Gruppe ever!!

[Some of the images are found on tumblr (or somewhere else on the internet). If I violated any copyrights you might have, please do not hesitate to contact me and I will remove the picture.]